The Beer Wench

This post is dedicated to my Ma, for reasons you shall discover later on…

I am sick and tired of hearing people bitch and complain about calories, carbs and fat.

Okay, I understand that these things exist. However, there are more important things in life to obsess over …

When it comes to health, beer has a bad rap.

“Belly Belly” … “Beer Gut” … Beer makes people fat, right?

NO!

Allow me to present an arguement in regards the caloric content of beer. Please note that there is no “scientific evidence behind my assertions. All of my observations are …  well, just that. Observations. And my conclusions are neither “credible” nor “official.”

However, I am not exactly uneducated … so there may be truth to what I have to say.

If you know nothing about nutrition, know this: not all calories are created equal.

Some calories are readily transferred into energy, while some are stored as fat.

The 100 calories in a glass of coke are NOT digested and processed the same as the 100 calories in a plate of vegetables.

Once upon a time, monks in Belgium started brewing ”bread water” [aka Trappist ales] as a way to sustain themselves throughout fasting. To this day, Trappist beers are produced with only the best and highest quality ingredients. Said monks were able to sustain themselves on this “bread water” for several days at a time. Why? Because the beer that the monks brewed was full of readily digestible matter. AKA … it was actually nutritious.

Truth be told my mother inspired this blog.

 

She responded to my post: “Please Put Down The Budweiser.” In her comment, my mother said: “ So here’s your newest task, Wench. Find me a less caloric, tasty, crafted beer.”

DEAR MOM: YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER! And I say this with love.

My mother is a brilliant woman: She’s a vegetarian (her choice, NOT mine), a liberal, a feminist, an environmentalist … and the list continues for miles. But the point is: my mother is UBER healthy and ridiculously conscientious.

(No offense, Ma … well then again, you are a New Yorker born and raised … so you, more than anyone, should be able to handle the truth) …

So why the hell is my intelligent mother drinking crap like Michelob Ultra Light? (Aka … this beer sucks, has virtually no nutritional benefits WHATSOEVER and tastes like watered down piss)

Because she is a CHICK. And like most chicks, she fears gaining weight. And most people equate drinking beer with being fat.

NO ONE WANTS THE “BEER BELLY”. Trust me, even those who have it don’t want it.

 

Try this experiment: Ask people who have these “Beer Bellies” and “Beer Guts” … what beer do you drink the most? And your response will be something like “Bud, Coors, Corona, Miller and so on and so forth.”

Hmmm COINCIDENTALLY, people who brew and drink craft beers are less likely to have these things that people call “beer bellies” or “beer guts.”

Evidence? Well , I drink beer and seem to be relatively healthy and of a “decent” size.

My friend and renowned beer writer, Stephen Beaumont, is virtually stick thin.

Another chick beer blogger, The Beer Babe, is anything but fat and absolutely STUNNING.

1WineDude drinks almost as much beer as he does wine … and he is as fit as a fiddle (and cute as a button).

And then, of course, there is the founder of Dogfish Head Brewery. Sam Caglione is definitely a hottie (… ummm I mean an extremely attractive gentleman whom I respect emmensely).

Bottom line: the higher quality shit you put in your body (whether it be food or booze) … the more likely your body will transfer the calories to energy as opposed to FAT. Stephen Beaumont wrote an excellent article entitled “Beer Makes You Fat, or NOT” that, very eloquently, argues this very same issue. “I’ve said it before and no doubt I’ll say it again: Beer is as dignified and sophisticated a beverage as any other, and in and of itself, does not make you fat or lazy or stupid or boorish. And stereotypes suck.” - Stephen Beaumont’s A World Of Beer

When it comes to the caloric content of brews, one must ALWAYS consider ABV - aka Alcohol By Volume.  Most people need to drink 2 or 3 “so called lite beers”to reach the same ABV of the “heavier beers.”

Need further proof? Let’s play the math game.

Coors Light= 104 cal/ 4.15% abv

Bud Light= 110 cal/4.2% abv

Miller Lite= 96 cal/ 4.2% abv

IN CONTRAST …

New Belgium Trippel Ale= 215 cal/ 7.8% abv

Dogfish Head Midas Touch= 309/ 9% abv

Dogfish Head 120 Min IPA= 450/ 18% abv

And with the few examples we have, let us play math …

In theory, one bottle of Dogfish Head 120 min IPA is equivalent to FOUR and a half bottles of any of the corporate light beers on the market.

One more time, I will CLARIFY this to all you calorie obsessed kids.

ONE WHOLE bottle of Dogfish Head 120 IPA … also known as one of the best damn beers on the planet … is equivalent, both in caloric and alcohol content, to FOURwhole bottles of ANY FREAKING Joe Schmoe lite beers on the market.

It is like telling you that you can have one scoop of the most decadent ice cream made from the most amazing ingredients in the entire world … or 4 scoops of sugar-free, fat-free … wanna-be ice cream made of chemical ingredients.

Hello, what is the point of ice cream without cream?

FLAVOR … is the most important factor to all things consumable, including beer.

PLEASE DO NOT SUBJECT YOUR PALATE TO BEER THAT TASTES LIKE … hmmm bad stuff.

Instead, drink craft beer … and know that your calories are being converted into something other than FAT.

Yes, I have opinions. I am The Wench. Cheers.