This year, 3,523 beers were judged in 79 different categories at the Great American Beer Festival. Breweries and brewers from all around the country received due recognition for their hard work and dedication to the art of beer.

Whereas these great accomplishments should not go ignored, I will let my fellow bloggers and the Brewers Association inform the rest of the world about the great beer feats at the festival.

You see, while the most studious among us took notes the entire time, I was too busy what we will call… errrr… “living in the moment.” Instead of reviewing beers and recapping the GABF higlights, I have decided express my own (extremely subjective) experience at GABF in the form of “spoof awards.” Because, after all, no awards ceremony is complete without a “spoof awards” presentation. Am I right?

Disclaimer: Some of these awards are more serious than others. And all of them are entirely subjective and not meant to be offensive or taken too seriously…

So without further ado, allow me to present:

The Wench’s 2010 GABF Spoof Awards

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Best Costume

Niko, 21st Amendment — Watermelon Suit

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Most Likely to Get His Mustache + Eyebrows Dyed at a Mansion Party

Josh Deth, Revolution Brewing Company

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Most Likely to be Found Smoking a Cigar

Dr. Bill Sysak

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Studliest Man in a Cowboy Hat

Three-way tie between:
Fred Bueltmann, New Holland Brewing Company
Brad Kraus
Ryan Fulmer, Uncle Billy’s Brew & Que

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Coolest Brewery Booth at GABF

Sierra Nevada
Honorable Mention: Oskar Blues

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Most Iconic Facial Expression in Pictures

Greg Koch, Stone Brewing Co. — #gregface
Honorable Mention: Ashley Routson, The Beer Wench — #wenchface

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Brewer Most Likely to Snag Bottles and Continue Pouring Outside the Convention Center

Jason Yester, Trinity Brewing

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Most Likely to Spike Beer with Spirits

Sebbie Buhler, Rogue

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Brewer Most Likely to Take off His Pants

Sam Calagione, Dogfish Head

(At least that is what the rumor was…)

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Best Socks

Random Dude with Bacon + Beer Socks

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Most Dapper Dressed Brewer

(And the only Brewer who can pull off Red Pants and a Straw Fedora)
Garrett Oliver

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Most Attractive Brewing Company

The Bruery
Honorable Mention: Port Brewing Company

(Photo stolen from: Drink Eat Travel)

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Hottest Chick Brewer

Veronica Vega, Deschutes

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Hottest Dude Brewer

Noah Regnery, PIzza Port San Clemente

Honorable Mention: Tyler King, The Bruery

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Most Disturbing “Quote” Overheard

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Cutest Chick (Denver) Bartender

Leah, Cheeky Monk

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Cutest Dude (Denver) Bartender

Colin, Great Divide Taproom

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Rowdiest Brewery (Inside and Outside of GABF)

Iron Hill
Honorable Mention: Port Brewing

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Brewery Most Likely to Randomly Pass Out in Another Brewery’s Hotel Room

(Unintentionally, of course…)

Dogfish Head

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Most Likely to Pass Out on the Hotel Stairs

Brian Kropf, Mutineer Magazine

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Brewery Most Likely to be Caught Drinking Coors Light at 4am on Saturday After Winning a Gazillion Awards at GABF

Port Brewing Company

(Photo stolen from: Drink Eat Travel)

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Most Likely to Be Found At The Bruery’s Table

Cambria, Drink Eat Travel

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Most Likely to be Caught Singing Karaoke

E.C. Crowe, The “A2″ Beer Wench (Star Bar)

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Brewer with the Most Badass Style

Jamie Floyd, Ninkasi Brewing

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Best Dreadlocks

Jason Yester, Trinity Brewing

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Most Talented Beer Chef

Sean Paxton

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Best Brewer’s Beard

Matt Brynildson, Firestone Walker

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The Man Whose Presence Was Most Missed

David “Moose” Buhler, Elysian

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Best Birthday Party

Taylor Shaw (The Art of Beer), Falling Rock Taphouse

(Picture stolen from: John M. P. Knox)

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Best “Unofficial” GABF Tasting

Dr. Bill’s Rare Beer Party

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The Only Party Where Boobs Outnumbered Beards

Beer For Boobs Brunch, Freshcraft

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Best Harry Caray Impression

Kell Bensen, Colorado Beer Week

Honorable Mention: Alex P. Davis

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Most Likely to Get Leied on His Birthday

Justin, Brewing Network
(Disclaimer: Leied not Laid)

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Most Likely to Get Her Boobs Grabbed in Public

Melissa Cole

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Most Likely to be Seen in The Cruise Room

Steve Parkes, American Brewers Guild

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Most Photographed Man (In Person & Cardboard Form)

Charlie Papazian

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Number One Way to Cause a Hangover

Last Call at Whiskey Bar

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Number One Way to Cure a Hangover

Bacon Bloody Marys at Stuebens

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Best Beer Bar in Denver (and quite possibly The World)

Falling Rock Taphouse

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Best NEW Denver Craft Beer Destination

Tie between:

FreshCraft

Star Bar

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Best Worst Idea at the End of the Night

Whiskey Bar

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Swankiest Cocktail

(Accompanied by a swanky head bob and a shimmy)

Guava Sexy, The Cruise Room

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Best Street Food in Denver

Biker Jim’s Gourmet Dogs

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Best Get-Away (Hideaway) Inside the Convention Center

Farm To Table Food Pavilion

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AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST…

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THE Most Epic MOMENT During GABF

(Left to Right: Vinnie, Dave, Jennifer, Natalie, Brett, Jay)

The Big Daddy + Jennifer Smith “Impromptu Wedding”

Who: Dave Keene + Jennifer Smith of Toronado

Best Man = Vinnie Chilurzo

Best Woman = Natalie Chilurzo

“Father” of the Bride = Jay Brooks

The Reverend = Brett Joyce

Where: Russian River Booth, GABF Convention Floor

When: Saturday Night

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Naturally, the list could go on forever. Have a spoof award that you would like to give out? Leave a comment below!

CHEERS!