DRINK WITH THE WENCH PRESENTS:

The Beer Blogger Interview Series

Curious what goes on in the minds of your favorite beer bloggers? Well, The Beer Wench is and she has embarked upon a mission to interview as many beer bloggers that she can — from all over the world. For 3 months now, Drink With The Wench has been interviewing beer bloggers from all over the country.

In honor of April Fool’s Day, The Beer Wench has decided to do a parody on her interview series. Hopefully, it is well received and at least one person finds some entertainment value in it… even if it is only my mother.

THE WENCH PRESENTS:

An April Fool’s Day Spoof

FEATURED INTERVIEW: IF GARY VEE WAS A BEER BLOGGER

Beer Blogger Interview

Full name: Gary VAY-NER-CHUK
Internet nickname: Gary Vee
Twitter handle: @garyvee
Name of blog: Beer Library TV … aka THE THUNDER SHOW … aka The Internet’s Most PASSIONATE Beer Program.
Current location: New York, NY

Background “Snapshot”

1. Where did you grow up?

Technically, I was born in Belarus and grew up in New York, NY. Half of my childhood was spent working in my parent’s liquor store and the other half was spent peddling baseball cards for cash.

2. What sports if any did you play growing up, through college and beyond?

Sports? Me play sports? Have you seen me? I’m practically a midget! I would have gotten killed …

I prefer to limit my sports involvement to pure fanaticism … Jets Jets Jets!

3. How old were you when you had your first beer?

I did not have my first beer until I reached the legal age of 21. Why? Because I was a little goody-two-shoes. Well that, and my parents put the threat of God in me.

4. If you can recall, what is the story of your first beer? Where did you have it? What style and brand was it?

My first experience ever actually drinking beer was doing a keg stand on my 21st birthday. I think it was PBR … but then, my memories of that night are very hazy. But I do remember that PBR did, in fact, taste like carbonated piss water. And trust me, I would know. I have tried it.

Craft Beer Epiphany

Every craft beer enthusiast has at least one pinnacle craft beer experience that completely changes ones perspective on beer. I refer to this mind-blowing moment as a “craft beer epiphany.”

What was your first craft beer epiphany? Recall as many details about it as you can:

After immigrating from Russia, my parents started their own liquor store in NYC. I got really bored while working the cash register so I started reading all of the late Michael Jackson’s beer books. No kids, I am not talking about the (also late) pop sensation and child molester Michael Jackson. I am referring to The Beer Hunter.

Because tasting beer was technically illegal and I was too much of a wimp to sneak sips of it from my parents, I set out on a mission to train my palate “backwards”. To study various flavors associated with beer, I chewed on fresh hops, dried hops, various levels of toasted barley … and even more obscure things like grass, dirt, rocks, tobacco and wood. I probably consumed more New Jersey grass in my teens than any lawn mower.

The flavor profiles of certain beer styles were much harder to “recreate” than others. My worst experience training my palate backwards was with “The Gueuze.” The descriptors for the gueuze said barnyard, horse blanket and lactic acid.

Much to my distain, I set out to mimic the gueuze style as best as possible. I licked a horse saddle, nibbled on a horse blanket that had remnants of manure on it, quickly shoved some sweet hay in my mouth and then washed it all down with a swig of apple cider vinegar.

The real epiphany came when I actually got to drink a real gueuze. I may have gone a little extreme with the whole “backwards” palate training experience. I don’t think I will ever need to chew on a manure stained horse blanket again any time in the near future!

Beer Blog Background

1. How long have you been running Beer Library TV?

I launched Beer Library TV in February of 2006.

2. What inspired you to start Beer Library TV?

I was sick an tired of all the beer snobs taking the THUNDER out of beer. All of the negative reviews and ratings on various beer forums really irritated me. I mean cmon now, this isn’t the wine industry! The craft beer industry does not need arrogant beer elitists scoring beer and dictating market trends. Ratings are, well, over-rated. IMO. Leave ratings to the wine industry.

3. Why did you chose the name Beer Library TV?

Drink With The Wench was taken …

4. Why did you chose a beer vlog over a wine vlog? Your parents store obviously sold both beverages…

Are you seriously asking me this question? EVERYONE knows that beer is the finest beverage on earth. If Jesus had turned water into beer instead of wine, the world would have been a much better place. IMO.

Also, beer is way cooler than wine because when we taste beer we actually swallow it. What is up with all those wine geeks spitting out wine? Hello! Somebody call in the booze patrol, that is some seriously criminal wastage of alcohol!

5. What are you personal goals for Beer Library TV? What do you hope to achieve with it?

First, I want people to try different beers. How can you have a favorite if you only know a few? Second, I tell people to trust their palates. If a beer appeals to your palate, then it’s a good choice. Don’t feel pressured to like popular brands or what experts recommend. Buy what ‘brings the thunder’ for you.

6. What is one of the coolest things that happened to you as a result of being a beer blogger?

Hello! Have you not seen my appearances all over National TV? I am kind of a big deal. I was recently named on AskMen.com’s list of the Top 49 Most Influential Men of 2009. Booyah bitches!

Also, there was this one time during my book tour that I was molested by The Beer Wench with a rubber chicken. His name was Don Quixote. And I’m not gonna lie. It was kind of hot.

7. What is your favorite beer blog/beer website?

Errr, obviously my all time favorite beer website is Drink With The Wench. No brainer!

Beer Talk

1. What are your top 3 favorite beer styles?

How does one chose a favorite star in the sky? I like my beers to be like me — bold and complex (Oak-aged Imperial Stout), funky and wild (Gueze), but still down to earth and approachable (Scottish Mild).

2. What are your top 3 favorite breweries?

I prefer the little guys (like me!) and the under-rated underdogs (like the Jets!).

3. If you could work with or for any one brewery, which one would it be and why?

I would probably work for Dogfish Head Brewery. Like them, I am quite “off-centered.” Oh, and they might be the only brewery actually crazy enough to let me with for them. Well, maybe BrewDog would be crazy enough to hire me … but then, those guys kind of scare me and I think that I would end up dying from alcohol poisoning if I had to work there.

4. Do you have any beer certifications (BJCP, Cicerone, Siebel, American Brewers Guild)?? If so, what are they?

I don’t believe in stuffy beer certifications.

5. What is your favorite beer and food pairing?

BACON and Rauschbier = slam dunk. I also enjoy Lucky Charms with a nice Framboise.

The Personal Side

1. What is your current day job?

I spend most of my days CRUSHING IT — all over the interwebs.

2. If you could change your career at this very moment, without any restrictions on what you could do, what would you want to do and why?

I would own the Jets and CRUSH IT in the Super Bowl.

3. Are you married? Children?

Married? Sometimes … I “work” about 15 hours a day. Last time I checked, I had a wife named Lizzie.

Children? I have a daughter Misha … and I think she is mine, but I never got the results back from the blood test.

4. Outside of beer and writing, what are some of your other hobbies?

JETS JETS JETS!

I used to collect baseball cards, but then I realized that collecting baseball cards does not get you drunk. Or laid. So I switched to beer.

Off The Beaten Path

1. If you were a style of beer, what style would be an why?

I would be an Imperial IPA, continuously hopped for 2 hours and dry hopped 4 times in fermentation then aged in Bourbon Barrels and spiked with Brettanomyces at bottling. Doesn’t make any sense does it? Sounds crazy right? That is EXACTLY why it fits my personality. BIG BOLD, in your face, over the top and absolutely wild. Yes, that is the GaryVee style of beer.

2. You were caught smuggling beer illegally, which has now been made punishable by death. Right before you are sent to the executioner, you are offered one last beer. What beer would you chose and why?

Garret Oliver’s illusive Bacon Beer.

3. If I contracted you to brew a beer (or design a beer recipe) called “The Beer Wench” — what style would you chose and what, if any, extra ingredients would you add?

A bacon gueuze. Don’t ask me how it’s made. But that is what I would make as a tribute to The Wench.

4. If you could be a superhero, what would you want your superpowers to be?

You know the kid in Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory who gets shrunk down and then gets zapped into the TV? That is kind of what I want to be able to do — except with the Internet. I want the power to actually climb inside my computer and live not just ON, but IN the internet.

5. What is one of the craziest things you have ever done and lived to tell the story?

I survived getting molested by The Beer Wench with a rubber chicken. I have had nightmares about it ever since …

6. What are your thoughts on bacon?

Bring on the THUNDER!

HAPPY APRIL FOOL’S DAY!

CHEERS!

OH, and BTW. The rubber chicken molestation of Gary Vee? That soooooo happened…