My entire life, I have been fighting the stereotypes against women.

Now this post is by no means against all of you women respecting and women loving men. This is against the men that think that women and men are not, in fact, equal. That women are the weaker of the species. That our main purpose on the planet is to bear children, cook and clean.

Listen, I understand that women and men are not physically equal. We have different parts and, most of the time, men are bigger, faster and stronger. Trust me, I know this. I learn this the VERY hard way as a child. For a good part of my childhood, I was faster and stronger (but not bigger) than all the boys. Then things changed, and I was devastated.

Unfortunate for me, all of my endeavors, interests and passions happen to be “male dominated” arenas. I played sports my whole life. I studied Criminology in college. I have worked in restaurant kitchens. And now I am in the beer industry.

I love cigars. I love scotch. I love college football more than almost anything in this world.

I’ve been criticized for my “look” and for my hobbies. I have had many people tell me to “embrace my feminine side.” WTF is that supposed to mean? I don’t have a feminine side. I have ONE side, and this is it. What you see is what you get.

I consider myself to be a human rights activist. I fight for equality in all the realms — race, gender, age, sexual orientation etc…

Where is this going, you must be asking yourself?

One of my major pet peeves with the big corporate beer companies (outside of the fact that they make a horrible product from the poorest quality ingredients) is the ludicrous marketing ploys they develop. It makes me sick to see them not only objectify women in these commercials, but to learn of product gimmicks that they create specifically for women.

Marketing Magazine out of the UK recently announced that Molson-Coors is releasing a clear beer specifically designed for women.

I threw up in my mouth when I read the announcement.

Like all malt-beverages being marketed to women, the clear beer’s “shtick” is low calorie. Because supposedly women would rather sacrifice flavor and quality for lower calories. Give me a f*ck*ng break.

And to add injury to insult, they are campaigning women to name the beer for them.

Oh, I have a name for it. And trust me, its not pretty.

From what I understand, the clear beer is meant to serve as a gateway beer to get women to drink, and I quote, “REAL lagers.” It is supposed to kinda of sort of taste like beer, but not too much. WTF did they make the beer from second runnings? Gag me.

And as for it being a gateway to real lagers, I hardly consider Molson (or Coors) to be a real lager. Maybe an adjunct lager brewed with ingredients that would make the founders of the Reinheitsgebot turnover in their graves. But, real? That is not the word I would use.

If you really want a pint of adjunct lager from one of the BIG 3, I got the recipe for you:

• 20 ounces soda water
• 1 drop corn extract
• 1 drop wheat extract
• 1 drop rice extract
• 1 drop barley extract
• 1 tiny tiny drop of old stale hops

And as for the alcohol? Spike it with a bit of vodka and there ya have it. Your adjunct lager.

As a craft beer evangelist, the last thing I want to see on the market is a gateway beer into corporate beers. Leave those beers for the kids who abuse alcohol and only see it as a means to and end. Aka alcohol = drunk.

I like to think that most people actually care about what they put in their mouth. I drink beer not because I want to get drunk, but because I appreciate the craft (as I do the culinary arts) and I really, truly enjoy all the different nuances and experiences I get out of craft beer.

I have been fought on this issue over and over. “But what if you have no choice and there aren’t any other beers available?” I drink water. Simple as that. I don’t drink to get drunk. Yes, it is a very pleasant side effect. But I would not be spending the amount of money as I do on beer if I thought its only purpose was to get drunk (or laid).

Honestly, I think that all women, whether or not they drink craft beer, should take offense to this marketing ploy. Essentially, Molson-Coors is saying that, because we are women, we deserve to drink poor quality, poor tasting, bottom of the line shit?

I would rather gag down a nasty appletini than ever touch a bottle of clear beer.

And on one last note, clear beer …. clear heels … anyone see a similarity? The only place that beer belongs is in strip clubs, far from me.

So my fellow humans, women and men alike, I ask you to join with me and fight the BEER WAR against corporate America! VIVA LA BEER WARS!

Cheers!