Dear Molson Coors,

I hate you.

Sincerely,

The Wench

Frankly, I don’t even know where to begin.

Two weeks ago, Molson Coors announced the release of a new line of beers specifically targeted towards women — a concept that not only angers and disgusts me, but is downright offensive.

I first got wind of the rumored “clear beer” last year, and most definitely aired my grievances then (read: BEER WARS: The Female Edition). But I had not heard anything more on the subject until recently. And as if clear beer wasn’t bad enough… Molson Coors also announced the launch of both a pink and yellow hued beer enhanced with what I assume is artificial flavoring.

Thankfully, this abomination of a product is only being released in the U.K. Those poor Brits…

According to research done by the marketing lackeys of Molson Coors, only 17% of women in the UK drink beer (as compared to 25% in the U.S.). Honestly, I don’t know much about the U.K. craft beer scene, aside from what Melissa Cole and Mark Dredge have told me. But something tells me that the lack of women drinking beer is a deeper issue than Molson Coors is willing to admit.

Perhaps the reason why more women drink beer in the U.S. is because our craft beer industry is twice, maybe 3 times larger and more extensive than the U.K.’s. Per capita, the U.S. has more craft breweries. And craft breweries make up a much larger percentage (albeit an extremely small percentage) of overall market share in the U.S.

So what does this mean? It means the average U.K. citizen is not exposed or does not have access to as much delicious flavorful beer as the U.S. Don’t get me wrong, the U.K. boasts a lot of really amazing and talented craft breweries. But from what I understand, corporate beer dominates the market place. And let’s face it, if my options were limited to corporate swill, I probably wouldn’t drink beer either.

Using probability theory and sheer common sense, one might be able to logically deduce a correlation between the fact that the U.S. has a larger craft beer market and a higher percentage of women beer drinkers. My theory is that, despite what Molson Coors research has concluded, women in fact prefer more flavorful, artisan-crafted beverages. This is also because I also believe that women, on average, have better palates than men. But, don’t just take my word for it…

According to research done at Yale University in the early 90′s, women, on average, possess more tastebuds than men. Linda Bartoshuk, professor of otolaryngology and psychology at Yale, is one of the leading scientists researching genetic variation in the ability to taste. She is the very scientist that coined the term “super taster,” which refers to those born with extra taste receptors. According to her research, 25% of the population are supertasters, 25% are nontasters and 50% are tasters. For American Caucasians, about 35% of women and only 15% of men are supertasters.

And the buck doesn’t stop at tasting. Marcia Pelchat, a sensory psychologist specializing in food and beverage selections at the Monell Chemical Senses Center, has been credited with concluding that, on average, women have a better sense of smell than men. And according to Marcia, both taste and smell contribute to the perception of flavor, which gives a stronger argument in favor of women being better tasters than men.

And researchers aren’t the only people acknowledging this fact. Even the big beer guys are catching on…

Last year, SABMiller announced that 30% of its 1,000 advanced-level tasters are female — a number that has roughly quadrupled in 10 years. Interestingly enough, SABMiller says its empirical evidence shows that females are the superior sex when it comes to detecting such undesirable chemicals such as 3-methyl-2-butene-1-thiol (which is responsible for skunk flavors in beer).

So hypothetically, if women are more sensitive to smell and better tasters than men, doesn’t it seem like they would desire more aromatics and flavor in beer? And conversely, if they are, in fact, more sensitive to smell and taste, they would be more capable of detecting off-flavors and flaws in beer, which means they have a higher chance of being turned off from beers (like adjunct lagers) that are characteristically flawed. Right?

As for the new Molson Coors product, let us discuss just how asinine and horrendous it truly is…

“The 4% ABV beer is lightly sparkling and finely filtered with a delicious, fresh taste. Animée will be available in three variants: clear filtered , crisp rosé and zesty lemon.” Let us get this straight. Molson Coors is blatantly implying that women have inferior palates. Wow. What a fucking smack in the face.

Not only did Molson Coors completely remove any sort of semblance of beer from the product, they also felt the need to spike it with artificial flavors and colors. It truly makes me want to scream and cry at the same time. This must be some sick and cruel joke.

And to add insult to injury. The rose flavor is fucking pink. I fucking hate pink. And when I saw the label with the pink hops, I threw up in my mouth. Twice.

Let us review what we have learned today: Molson Coors did some research and found that only 17% of women in the U.K. drink beer. Yale research says that women are more likely to be supertasters. Research also shows that women possess a more sensitive sense of smell. SABMiller is continuing to hire more women tasters because they acknowledge the aforementioned. Yet, Molson Coors thinks that instead of creating a more flavorful and aromatic beer to attract more women, the best plan was to completely strip beer of all of its wonderful qualities and add even more adjuncts and artificiality.

As much as I would love to speak on the behalf of all women out there, I can only speak for myself. Personally, I was very much NOT a beer drinker until I discovered craft beer. When I wanted to get drunk in college, I usually opted for disgusting mixed drinks and boxed wine over yellow fizzy mass-produced beer. It wasn’t until I started to study for sommelier certification when I was 22 that I really began to respect an appreciate the complexities and nuances in alcohol. But it wasn’t until I was exposed to the amazing world of craft beer, that I became a craft beer drinker. And now look at me….

In conclusion, being both a soapbox craft beer evangelist and feminist, there is no way in hell that I will advocate or support this product. In fact, I hope that the concept fails miserably and that Molson Coors loses big money in the process. And while I watch them crash and burn, I will raise a pint of craft beer in the mist of their ashes and declare with conviction… “I AM A CRAFT BEER DRINKER”.

For more information on this subject, check out Melissa Cole’s take on Animee.

My entire life, I have been fighting the stereotypes against women.

Now this post is by no means against all of you women respecting and women loving men. This is against the men that think that women and men are not, in fact, equal. That women are the weaker of the species. That our main purpose on the planet is to bear children, cook and clean.

Listen, I understand that women and men are not physically equal. We have different parts and, most of the time, men are bigger, faster and stronger. Trust me, I know this. I learn this the VERY hard way as a child. For a good part of my childhood, I was faster and stronger (but not bigger) than all the boys. Then things changed, and I was devastated.

Unfortunate for me, all of my endeavors, interests and passions happen to be “male dominated” arenas. I played sports my whole life. I studied Criminology in college. I have worked in restaurant kitchens. And now I am in the beer industry.

I love cigars. I love scotch. I love college football more than almost anything in this world.

I’ve been criticized for my “look” and for my hobbies. I have had many people tell me to “embrace my feminine side.” WTF is that supposed to mean? I don’t have a feminine side. I have ONE side, and this is it. What you see is what you get.

I consider myself to be a human rights activist. I fight for equality in all the realms — race, gender, age, sexual orientation etc…

Where is this going, you must be asking yourself?

One of my major pet peeves with the big corporate beer companies (outside of the fact that they make a horrible product from the poorest quality ingredients) is the ludicrous marketing ploys they develop. It makes me sick to see them not only objectify women in these commercials, but to learn of product gimmicks that they create specifically for women.

Marketing Magazine out of the UK recently announced that Molson-Coors is releasing a clear beer specifically designed for women.

I threw up in my mouth when I read the announcement.

Like all malt-beverages being marketed to women, the clear beer’s “shtick” is low calorie. Because supposedly women would rather sacrifice flavor and quality for lower calories. Give me a f*ck*ng break.

And to add injury to insult, they are campaigning women to name the beer for them.

Oh, I have a name for it. And trust me, its not pretty.

From what I understand, the clear beer is meant to serve as a gateway beer to get women to drink, and I quote, “REAL lagers.” It is supposed to kinda of sort of taste like beer, but not too much. WTF did they make the beer from second runnings? Gag me.

And as for it being a gateway to real lagers, I hardly consider Molson (or Coors) to be a real lager. Maybe an adjunct lager brewed with ingredients that would make the founders of the Reinheitsgebot turnover in their graves. But, real? That is not the word I would use.

If you really want a pint of adjunct lager from one of the BIG 3, I got the recipe for you:

• 20 ounces soda water
• 1 drop corn extract
• 1 drop wheat extract
• 1 drop rice extract
• 1 drop barley extract
• 1 tiny tiny drop of old stale hops

And as for the alcohol? Spike it with a bit of vodka and there ya have it. Your adjunct lager.

As a craft beer evangelist, the last thing I want to see on the market is a gateway beer into corporate beers. Leave those beers for the kids who abuse alcohol and only see it as a means to and end. Aka alcohol = drunk.

I like to think that most people actually care about what they put in their mouth. I drink beer not because I want to get drunk, but because I appreciate the craft (as I do the culinary arts) and I really, truly enjoy all the different nuances and experiences I get out of craft beer.

I have been fought on this issue over and over. “But what if you have no choice and there aren’t any other beers available?” I drink water. Simple as that. I don’t drink to get drunk. Yes, it is a very pleasant side effect. But I would not be spending the amount of money as I do on beer if I thought its only purpose was to get drunk (or laid).

Honestly, I think that all women, whether or not they drink craft beer, should take offense to this marketing ploy. Essentially, Molson-Coors is saying that, because we are women, we deserve to drink poor quality, poor tasting, bottom of the line shit?

I would rather gag down a nasty appletini than ever touch a bottle of clear beer.

And on one last note, clear beer …. clear heels … anyone see a similarity? The only place that beer belongs is in strip clubs, far from me.

So my fellow humans, women and men alike, I ask you to join with me and fight the BEER WAR against corporate America! VIVA LA BEER WARS!

Cheers!