If you are a self-respecting woman and, after reading this post, you still want to drink corporate beer. Well, then. I don’t know what to think.

Today I read a post entitled: 26 Highly Suggestive Girl Beer Ads.

The author notes: “Coming up with a marketing campaign for adult beverages isn’t very hard, yet they’re almost always successful when simple rules are followed. One approach, Suggestive girl ads. They sell, really well. Here is a collection of ads from around that (for at least guys) will surely get a response in the brain, if not elsewhere…Enjoy.”

Each and every single one of the 26 advertisements objectifies women in one way or another, some being more appalling than others.Some of them made me want to vomit. Literally.

By now most of you should know that it does not take much to for my feminist side to get fired up. It is moments like these where I really believe that our progressive society is actually regressing. It frustrates me to no end to think of all the people that have fought long and hard for woman’s rights and equality, just to have them objectified by mega corporations and admen.

Part of me wonders what almost completely naked women have to do with beer sales. But then I realize, when your actual product sucks, you have to find other methods to sell it. And unfortunately, in today’s sad pathetic world, sex sells.

The difference between craft beer and corporate beer is that the actual beer sells itself. Craft beer does not need to employ the help of huge ad agencies to develop multi-million dollar ad campaigns. Craft beer does not need to objectify women and sell sex in order to sell beer. The beer speaks for itself, naked women do not.

I suppose a lot can be said for people who drink craft beer over corporate beer. Obviously, they care about WHO makes their beer, WHERE the beer comes from, and WHAT goes into their beer. They will not settle for the lowest common denominator. They refuse to be victims of marketing ploys and ad campaigns. And, most importantly, they refuse to support companies that objectify women.

I want to raise a toast to all the pink boot wearing women in the craft beer industry who are brave enough to defy female standards and work in a male-dominated industry. I want to raise a toast to all the men in the industry who support woman’s rights and refuse to stoop to the level of mega-corporations and admen. I want to raise a toast to all the people in the world who choose to support craft beer in lieu of sub-par beers made with adjuncts that use ad campaigns that objectify women.

And if you are the kind of person that likes to sit down with a corporate beer from time to time, I encourage you to re-think your purchasing behaviors and beverage choices. Especially, if you are within 100 feet of The Wench. Trust me on this, you do not want to feel my wrath.

Cheers!

This story has nothing to do with beer, sorry folks.

This is a tale of epic proportions. It is a story jam packed with action and adventure, suspense, drama, and comedy. It is a story about raw human emotion — fear, anxiety, anger, compassion and happiness. It is a story interlaced with values. There are many morals to the story. There are victims, there are heroes, and there are villains. And the best part is that the story actually does end happily ever after.

The story begins on a warm, sunny California evening. Our main character, Wenchie, made the decision to venture into San Francisco, via public transportation from Berkeley, to attend a “Meet The Brewer” event with James Watts of BrewDog at The City Beer Store.

This was the first time that our Wenchie had ventured into “The City” in at least 3 weeks. So it was a big deal for her to be there.

The event itself was a smashing good time. Wenchie got to see many of her NorCal beer friends that she had not seen in quite some time. Some of her old HopPress teams members were there, her good friend Joe Tucker of RateBeer was there, lots of other Bay Area beer bloggers, brewers, and fellow beer evangelists were there.

Wenchie enjoyed several of BrewDog’s most highly coveted ales. But what really made the experience epic was that she has the opportunity to drink the beers with the very dapper, extremely witty, and slightly incomprehensible BrewDog founder, James Watts. The night was perfect. But, ultimately, people started to leave and and eventually Wenchie was left to her own.

The responsible person inside Wenchie said to go home. And so she attempted to leave San Francisco, walking back to public transportation. Along the way she passed “The Cat Club”, where the doormen tried to lure her in for a night of debauchery and dancing. She politely declined.

But upon turning the corner, Wenchie realized that she had forgotten a beer at City Beer Store that she had promised to a fellow beer geek on The East Coast. And so she made a quick heel turn and proceeded to return to City Beer Store. But not without passing “The Cat Club” again. And again, she got tempted by the doormen. But again, she politely declined.

After securing her beer for trading, Wenchie found herself yet again passing by “The Cat Club.” The third time must be a charm because this time she stopped and inquired about exactly what was going on inside. The doormen told her it was 80′s night and, being a huge fan of 80′s music and an even bigger fan of dancing, our Wenchie found herself being lured into a world of strobe lights, disco balls, costumes, and insanity.

Being the Internet addict that she is, Wenchie made sure to tell her Twitter friends exactly where she was and what she was doing. But that would be the last that any of them would hear from her for at least 12 hours. Wenchie tucked her phone away into her backpack and handed it over to the coat check girl at the club.

That night, Wenchie had the time of her life. She danced like no one was watching. It had been a long, long, long time since she had been told that she was attractive. And that night, people told her how awesome her hair was and how pretty her eyes were. And she felt good about herself. For once.

She also met so many amazing people. In fact, one young woman noticed how much fun she was having on the dance floor and encouraged her to stay. Wenchie said that she had to leave into order to make the last train home. Unfortunately, the amazing young woman had celiacs disease, which meant she was unable to drink. But fortunately, she had driven to the bar from the East Bay. She offered our Wenchie a ride home, so that she did not have to pull a Cinderella and leave the club at midnight.

Sometime during the night, the phone was lost. There is no way to know when or where it was lost, but it was lost. To no avail, our Wenchie desperately attempted to call and text her phone from her roommate’s phone.

By the next day, the phone appeared to be dead.

The loss of her phone devastated our young heroine. You see, most people do not understand what it is like to live a day in the life of The Beer Wench. Whilst she puts on a fantastic facade, her life is not as glamorous as most people think. She gave up everything material and blew through her entire meager savings to become a craft beer evangelist and fine beverage revolutionary. Although she is known to travel extensively and drink some of the most coveted beers in the world, Wenchie lives a very simple life. And she lives day by day, never knowing where she will be the next day. And never knowing how long she can survive this lifestyle before she is ultimately defeated.

There are some people that envy the life of Wenchie. Some people love to criticize her for her choices in life. But those people do not understand the sacrifices that she had to make in order for her to have the experiences that she has had. These people do not know how poor her living conditions are. Those people do not know how much she fears, every single day, of going broke and having to give up her dream. Most people don’t know how lonely her life is and how most of her nights are spent home alone.

Our Wenchie has two material items that are worth more emotionally than they are economically: her phone and her laptop. These are two items that she cannot live without. Everything else, ha. She doesn’t even own furniture or sleep in a real bed. In fact, the only piece of real jewelry she owns is her gold class ring from The Ohio State University. That is it. No lie.

So when our poor little Wenchie lost her phone, she was emotionally devastated. Being unemployed for over a year, there was no way she could afford another phone. But despite her internal devastation, she kept her wits about her and was determined to figure out a way to make things work.

Her awesome roommate, Debra, offered to stop by “The Cat Club” after work to see if they had found the phone. But before she could do that, something rather extraordinary happened. The 13 year old son of the man who found the phone turned the phone on an texted Wenchie’s roomate.

He told Debra that his dad had found the phone but was not going to give it back. This angered Debra and she unsuccessfully tried to convince the kid to return it to its rightful owner.

And then things got even more intense. The kid used Wenchie’s phone to post random messages on her Facebook wall. “XTMYNOIWRNTR”. Wenchie’s friends thought it would be funny to chide her and call her a drunk. But Debra would not stand for such insults. She told everyone that the phone had been taken and the culprits were not willing to give it back.

This is when things got really exciting. The boy saw Debra’s post and decided to friend her on Facebook in order to chat with her about the lost phone. He told her that his dad was “cheap” and refused to give it back. This angered Debra and she threatened to file a police report. This did not seem to frighten the boy, so she actually called the San Francisco police department, who informed her that Wenchie needed to be the person filing the missing phone report.

Wenchie called up Debra from a payphone in Oakland. Apparently, payphones have gone the way of the dinosaur because it took Wenchie 20 minutes to locate one. Her roommate updated her on the situation. It must have been the payphone booth, but at that moment, our Wenchie transformed from a devastated young girl into a super hero on a mission.

Wenchie picked Debra up and the two sleuths set out to find the phone. After a dinner of greasy food and unsuccessfully trying to get an Internet connection at a fast food restaurant, the two drove around until they found a Wi-Fi hotspot. On the side of the road, Wenchie was finally able to activate MobileMe, a tracking device she had purchased from Apple. MobileMe was able to give the two private eyes almost the exact coordinates of the phone.

Knowing the last name of the family and the zip code, Wenchie proceeded to use yellow pages to look-up the exact address where the phone was located.

Wenchie also reached out to her friends on Facebook. Told them to text her phone to inform the possessors that she was going to file a police report if they failed to return it. Since his profile said he was born in 1986, the girls assumed that the boy was about 24. So they decided that scare tactics would work best and began to threaten him with the police.

In the meantime, the girls went to their local police station in Berkeley — where they were automatically and very rudely rejected. So the girls called up San Francisco PD. At first, the SF cops were unresponsive and, it was not until Wenchie revealed that the case was pretty much signed and sealed, that they agreed to help. So much for tax dollars.

The dispatched told the girls that once they reached the address, they should call the SFPD for a civilian car to come and assist them with the reacquisition of the phone.

As they drove closer and closer to his house, the girls continued to try to get the kid to meet them with the phone. They did not want to get the cops involved, especially since the cops had been so worthless up to that point.

Eventually, the boy confessed that he was only 13 and could not leave the house at 9:30pm at night. He informed the girls that his dad was asleep and his mom was away, and that he could meet them outside the house. Although the girls did not know the number of his house, they pulled onto the street that MobileMe indicated and, ironically, parked right in front of the exact house.

The kid came outside as promised, apologized for his father, and returned the phone.

The two girls returned back to the East Bay with the phone. And everyone lived happily ever after. Well, everyone except for the father who tried to keep something that did not belong to him.

The moral of the story? There are several.

Moral 1: When one puts so much value into an object, one must take extra care of it.

Moral 2: True friends are there for you you when you need them the most, even when it may be extremely inconvenient for them.

Moral 3: When a material object has the ability to devastate your world, you need to reprioritize your life.

Moral 4: Age has nothing to do with values.

Moral 5: You can’t make new friends if you never leave the house. And if you never leave the house, you will always be alone.

Moral 6: Apple is fucking awesome. Social Media is fucking awesome. Technology FOR THE WIN.

From The Author

Just when I thought that the younger generations consisted of spoiled children with a sense of entitlement and lack of respect for adults and authority (trust me, I substitute taught Middle School…. kids are not what they used to be), I was proven wrong by one really strong kid. This young boy defied his own father’s wishes for the greater good of someone he did not know. Not because he had something to benefit from it, but because he knew it was the right thing.

The right thing. Imagine that. Someone in today’s material driven, capitalistic society actually did the right thing. And he was 13 years old. Thirteen freaking years old. Makes you feel kind of ashamed of your own selfish and hedonistic nature, doesn’t it?

The bottom line is that, this boy has made a tremendous impact on my life. Not only did he return one of my most important possessions in life, but he has inspired me to be a better person. He had nothing to gain and everything to lose from returning my phone. He will suffer for days, weeks, and maybe even years to come, for betraying his father’s wishes. And for this act of courage, I am eternally grateful.

To the boy whom this story is about, you know who you are, you will forever hold a place in my heart. I look forward to seeing the person whom you develop into and hope that you will never let go of your values and your subconscious drive to do the right thing, regardless of what your elders tell you. And: “This above all, to thine ownself be true.” — William Shakespeare.

There are many reasons why I don’t read women’s lifestyle magazines. Most of them insult me in some sort of fashion as well as frustrate me to no end. Same goes for a lot of the men’s lifestyle magazines. The random studies and articles completely perplex me. For someone who studied statistics and social epidemiology, the methods of research and how they analyze and determine the results make no sense at all.

In a recent internet-based article, Men’sHealth made the outlandish claim that “Americans have developed a severe drinking problem.” And by drinking problem, they are not referring to alcohol abuse. Oh no. Men’sHealth is lashing out on beverages across the entire spectrum — from waters, to sodas, to beers. The argument is that Americans consume a damaging amount of “empty calories” from what Men’sHealth considers to be unhealthy beverages.

The article details a list of the 20 Worst Drinks in America. It appears that the criteria that use to define “worst drinks” is caloric content, grams of carbohydrates, grams of sugar and alcohol content (if relevant). The organizations and method in the madness behind the list is perplexing. Whereas it is completely obvious that a 2,000 calorie milkshake and drinks produced from artificial flavors and colors with obscene amounts of additive and sugars are not the healthiest beverages on the planet, the argument against craft beer is just plain ludicrous.

Men’sHealth has declared Sierra Nevada’s Big Foot the Worst Beer and Sam Adam’s Light Lager the Worst Light Beer. These allegations are farce. Both of these beers are artisanly crafted fine beverages, brewer with quality NATURAL ingredients. To put them in the same category as artificial sodas, teas, lemonades and other non-fine beverages is pretty damn ignorant.

Men’s Health called Sierra Nevada’s Bigfoot “the undisputed beast of the beer jungle.” And why? Because it contains just about twice the amount of calories as most mass-produced yellow fizzy beers. They also admit that most of the calories come from its hefty 9.5% alcohol by volume content. Well, DUH. Big foot is a Barleywine. The style itself dictates a high malt content, high alcohol level, big bold, rich and flavorful beer.

Most consumers of fine beverages are not looking to drink flavorless, low quality, mass-produced products. We demand quality. We demand flavor. We will not settle for sub-par beverages.

Sure, you could consume a yellow fizzy corporate beer for less calories. But let’s be honest, anyone who is drinking mass-produced swill produced from adjunct ingredients is not drinking it for its taste. They are drinking it for the alcoholic side-effetcts (aka to get buzzed or drunk). And when it comes down to it, when it comes to total calories consumed in relation to alcohol content, there is no significant difference between drinking an adjunct lager and a barleywine. If you really want me to break it down, let us look at the numbers.

Bigfoot 12 oz. = 330 calories + 9.5% alcohol

Budweiser 12 oz. = 145 calories + 5% alcohol

In order to get the same buzz from Bigfoot, one must consume two of bottles Budweiser. Which essentially puts both drinking experiences around 300 calories — give or take 40 (and if you are worried about consuming 40 extra calories, you have issues to worry about).

Now say, you aren’t looking for the buzz. Well, for the same amount of calories in a bottle of yellow fizzy lager, you could consume half a bottle of Bigfoot. It’s called portion control. You can either consume a lot of (what I argue to be the unhealthy option) an adjunct beer made with sub-par ingredients, or you can consume a smaller amount of a craft beer made with pure ingredients. Quality over quantity, folks. What a novel concept.

And as for Men’sHealth, next time you want to make such outlandish claims and attack the craft beer industry, do some freaking research. In no parallel universe does a craft beer produced with natural ingredients and natural sugars even come close to being as unhealthy as artificial sodas made in a laboratory with chemicals or fatty milkshakes with 2,000 calories.

Viva La Beer Revolution! Cheers!

I recently had the honor of being the first beer blogger to be featured in DRAFTMag.com’s newest series: On The Beer Blogger Beat. In his newest section, Noah Davis catches up with some of the best beer bloggers in the country. I was honored and humbled that DRAFTMag.com chose to launch the section with yours truly,The Beer Wench.

Check out the full feature HERE.

Special thanks to Noah and the DRAFT Magazine team! Cheers!

One of the perks of being a chick at a beer festival (or sporting event) is the relatively short bathroom lines (as compared to the men’s lines). Unless, of course, the event features co-ed port-a-potties. In that scenario, lines can be ENDLESS and EXCRUCIATING. It is truly a fight against the clock.

Beer events and stadiums are not the only venues where waiting on line for the bathroom reminds me of a situation similar to the “heart pounding through the chest, sweaty palms, strenuous suspense of dismantling of a bomb with only 10 seconds left on the clock.” Having to go pee in crowded bars with only one bathroom, tailgating parties in stadium parking lots hours before the doors open with access to toilets, long road trips with too much caffeine with no rest area in sight, standing in the middle of the NYC crowded streets during the Thanksgiving Day Parade and not being allowed to use the restrooms in local establishments, being stuck in the window seat of a cross country flight when your neighbors are sleeping and you cannot wake them up for the life of you — those are all moments when your bladder stands the test of time.

I am certain that at some point in your beverage consumption career, you learned to play the “wait as long as physically possible before you break the seal” game. And we all know the tragic circumstances that surrounds the breaking of the seal.

Well kids, have no fear. I have fantastic news. We no longer need to worry about breaking the seal or doing the embarrassing “pee pee” dance in public! Thanks to the brilliant minds behind DontBreakTheSeal.com … all of our bladder prayers have been answered.

From two Miami buds who lost too many “babes” when their game was interrupted by visits to the little boys’ room, BATHROOM BUDDY is a Tylenol-sized capsule based on military technology that stops you from peeing for a solid eight hours, so you can enjoy a night on the town without visiting a single urinal, at least until it’s time to change the cakes again. How it works: once in your gut, BB expands to a softball-sized, readily digestible microfiber sponge (think those sink-borne dino pills from childhood), that soaks up sloshing liquid while allowing booze to be metabolized; after eight hours the Buddy’s processed as solid food, a familiar experience for all except Rip Torn.

Bathroom Buddy is useful for more than just partying. It’s also great for:

• Avoiding piss stops on road trips
• Making sure you don’t have to leave the eyesight of that babe you’re working at the bar, and lose her to some guy who pissed more recently. After all, it’s is slogan: “We stop urine, to make sure you’re in.”
• Winning bets with your friends about who can “hold it” the longest
• Take care of your incontinent elderly family members and saving on adult diapers
• Walking your dog only once every 24 hours

To order BATHROOM BUDDY — Visit the official website and fill out the form!

Happy Belated April Fool’s! Compliments of: ThrillList.com

Cheers!

DRINK WITH THE WENCH PRESENTS:

The Beer Blogger Interview Series

Curious what goes on in the minds of your favorite beer bloggers? Well, The Beer Wench is and she has embarked upon a mission to interview as many beer bloggers that she can — from all over the world. For 3 months now, Drink With The Wench has been interviewing beer bloggers from all over the country.

In honor of April Fool’s Day, The Beer Wench has decided to do a parody on her interview series. Hopefully, it is well received and at least one person finds some entertainment value in it… even if it is only my mother.

THE WENCH PRESENTS:

An April Fool’s Day Spoof

FEATURED INTERVIEW: IF GARY VEE WAS A BEER BLOGGER

Beer Blogger Interview

Full name: Gary VAY-NER-CHUK
Internet nickname: Gary Vee
Twitter handle: @garyvee
Name of blog: Beer Library TV … aka THE THUNDER SHOW … aka The Internet’s Most PASSIONATE Beer Program.
Current location: New York, NY

Background “Snapshot”

1. Where did you grow up?

Technically, I was born in Belarus and grew up in New York, NY. Half of my childhood was spent working in my parent’s liquor store and the other half was spent peddling baseball cards for cash.

2. What sports if any did you play growing up, through college and beyond?

Sports? Me play sports? Have you seen me? I’m practically a midget! I would have gotten killed …

I prefer to limit my sports involvement to pure fanaticism … Jets Jets Jets!

3. How old were you when you had your first beer?

I did not have my first beer until I reached the legal age of 21. Why? Because I was a little goody-two-shoes. Well that, and my parents put the threat of God in me.

4. If you can recall, what is the story of your first beer? Where did you have it? What style and brand was it?

My first experience ever actually drinking beer was doing a keg stand on my 21st birthday. I think it was PBR … but then, my memories of that night are very hazy. But I do remember that PBR did, in fact, taste like carbonated piss water. And trust me, I would know. I have tried it.

Craft Beer Epiphany

Every craft beer enthusiast has at least one pinnacle craft beer experience that completely changes ones perspective on beer. I refer to this mind-blowing moment as a “craft beer epiphany.”

What was your first craft beer epiphany? Recall as many details about it as you can:

After immigrating from Russia, my parents started their own liquor store in NYC. I got really bored while working the cash register so I started reading all of the late Michael Jackson’s beer books. No kids, I am not talking about the (also late) pop sensation and child molester Michael Jackson. I am referring to The Beer Hunter.

Because tasting beer was technically illegal and I was too much of a wimp to sneak sips of it from my parents, I set out on a mission to train my palate “backwards”. To study various flavors associated with beer, I chewed on fresh hops, dried hops, various levels of toasted barley … and even more obscure things like grass, dirt, rocks, tobacco and wood. I probably consumed more New Jersey grass in my teens than any lawn mower.

The flavor profiles of certain beer styles were much harder to “recreate” than others. My worst experience training my palate backwards was with “The Gueuze.” The descriptors for the gueuze said barnyard, horse blanket and lactic acid.

Much to my distain, I set out to mimic the gueuze style as best as possible. I licked a horse saddle, nibbled on a horse blanket that had remnants of manure on it, quickly shoved some sweet hay in my mouth and then washed it all down with a swig of apple cider vinegar.

The real epiphany came when I actually got to drink a real gueuze. I may have gone a little extreme with the whole “backwards” palate training experience. I don’t think I will ever need to chew on a manure stained horse blanket again any time in the near future!

Beer Blog Background

1. How long have you been running Beer Library TV?

I launched Beer Library TV in February of 2006.

2. What inspired you to start Beer Library TV?

I was sick an tired of all the beer snobs taking the THUNDER out of beer. All of the negative reviews and ratings on various beer forums really irritated me. I mean cmon now, this isn’t the wine industry! The craft beer industry does not need arrogant beer elitists scoring beer and dictating market trends. Ratings are, well, over-rated. IMO. Leave ratings to the wine industry.

3. Why did you chose the name Beer Library TV?

Drink With The Wench was taken …

4. Why did you chose a beer vlog over a wine vlog? Your parents store obviously sold both beverages…

Are you seriously asking me this question? EVERYONE knows that beer is the finest beverage on earth. If Jesus had turned water into beer instead of wine, the world would have been a much better place. IMO.

Also, beer is way cooler than wine because when we taste beer we actually swallow it. What is up with all those wine geeks spitting out wine? Hello! Somebody call in the booze patrol, that is some seriously criminal wastage of alcohol!

5. What are you personal goals for Beer Library TV? What do you hope to achieve with it?

First, I want people to try different beers. How can you have a favorite if you only know a few? Second, I tell people to trust their palates. If a beer appeals to your palate, then it’s a good choice. Don’t feel pressured to like popular brands or what experts recommend. Buy what ‘brings the thunder’ for you.

6. What is one of the coolest things that happened to you as a result of being a beer blogger?

Hello! Have you not seen my appearances all over National TV? I am kind of a big deal. I was recently named on AskMen.com’s list of the Top 49 Most Influential Men of 2009. Booyah bitches!

Also, there was this one time during my book tour that I was molested by The Beer Wench with a rubber chicken. His name was Don Quixote. And I’m not gonna lie. It was kind of hot.

7. What is your favorite beer blog/beer website?

Errr, obviously my all time favorite beer website is Drink With The Wench. No brainer!

Beer Talk

1. What are your top 3 favorite beer styles?

How does one chose a favorite star in the sky? I like my beers to be like me — bold and complex (Oak-aged Imperial Stout), funky and wild (Gueze), but still down to earth and approachable (Scottish Mild).

2. What are your top 3 favorite breweries?

I prefer the little guys (like me!) and the under-rated underdogs (like the Jets!).

3. If you could work with or for any one brewery, which one would it be and why?

I would probably work for Dogfish Head Brewery. Like them, I am quite “off-centered.” Oh, and they might be the only brewery actually crazy enough to let me with for them. Well, maybe BrewDog would be crazy enough to hire me … but then, those guys kind of scare me and I think that I would end up dying from alcohol poisoning if I had to work there.

4. Do you have any beer certifications (BJCP, Cicerone, Siebel, American Brewers Guild)?? If so, what are they?

I don’t believe in stuffy beer certifications.

5. What is your favorite beer and food pairing?

BACON and Rauschbier = slam dunk. I also enjoy Lucky Charms with a nice Framboise.

The Personal Side

1. What is your current day job?

I spend most of my days CRUSHING IT — all over the interwebs.

2. If you could change your career at this very moment, without any restrictions on what you could do, what would you want to do and why?

I would own the Jets and CRUSH IT in the Super Bowl.

3. Are you married? Children?

Married? Sometimes … I “work” about 15 hours a day. Last time I checked, I had a wife named Lizzie.

Children? I have a daughter Misha … and I think she is mine, but I never got the results back from the blood test.

4. Outside of beer and writing, what are some of your other hobbies?

JETS JETS JETS!

I used to collect baseball cards, but then I realized that collecting baseball cards does not get you drunk. Or laid. So I switched to beer.

Off The Beaten Path

1. If you were a style of beer, what style would be an why?

I would be an Imperial IPA, continuously hopped for 2 hours and dry hopped 4 times in fermentation then aged in Bourbon Barrels and spiked with Brettanomyces at bottling. Doesn’t make any sense does it? Sounds crazy right? That is EXACTLY why it fits my personality. BIG BOLD, in your face, over the top and absolutely wild. Yes, that is the GaryVee style of beer.

2. You were caught smuggling beer illegally, which has now been made punishable by death. Right before you are sent to the executioner, you are offered one last beer. What beer would you chose and why?

Garret Oliver’s illusive Bacon Beer.

3. If I contracted you to brew a beer (or design a beer recipe) called “The Beer Wench” — what style would you chose and what, if any, extra ingredients would you add?

A bacon gueuze. Don’t ask me how it’s made. But that is what I would make as a tribute to The Wench.

4. If you could be a superhero, what would you want your superpowers to be?

You know the kid in Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory who gets shrunk down and then gets zapped into the TV? That is kind of what I want to be able to do — except with the Internet. I want the power to actually climb inside my computer and live not just ON, but IN the internet.

5. What is one of the craziest things you have ever done and lived to tell the story?

I survived getting molested by The Beer Wench with a rubber chicken. I have had nightmares about it ever since …

6. What are your thoughts on bacon?

Bring on the THUNDER!

HAPPY APRIL FOOL’S DAY!

CHEERS!

OH, and BTW. The rubber chicken molestation of Gary Vee? That soooooo happened…

Despite what many people may think, there is an actual science to the proper tasting and analyzation of beers.

Now yes, I understand that experiences with and  individual perceptions of beer does vary from person to person. Some people prefer to have an emotional connection with beer. They tend to review beer using expressive and artistic descriptors as opposed to scientific terminology.

Don’t get my wrong though — the emotional method of beer analyzation is by no means “unprofessional.” There is no real or wrong way to experience beer. After all, beer is in the eye of the beholder.

However, it is important to note that there is a universally recognized and accepted language in the beer industry. Whereas describing a beer in an artistic format makes an excellent visual for readers and consumers, I guarantee if you tell a brewer that her beer takes like rainbows and butterflies she will look at you like you have three heads.

So exactly how does one learn how to “speak beer”? Learning proper beer terminology can seem daunting at first. But have no fear, its not like learning to write code. In fact, most of beer terminology already exists in our language.

The key is learning what terms to use when.

One does not have to go out and buy books on the science and engineering of brewing in order to learn this language. There are several resources on proper beer analyzation that can be more easily  ”digested” than hitting the “big kid” textbooks.

My favorite beer analyzation resources are as follows:

_________________________________________________

TASTING BEER — An Insider’s Guide to The World’s Greatest Drink
by: Randy Mosher

Randy Mosher is a public speaker, teacher, writer, and enthusiastic promoter of traditional beer styles. He is the author of The Brewer’s Companion and Radical Brewing, as well as many articles and columns for All About Beer, the country’s leading beer magazine.

From the back cover:

Everybody knows how to drink beer, but few know how to really taste it. Tasting Beer is a lively exploration of the culture, chemistry, and creativity that make craft beers so wonderfully complex. Heighten your enjoyment of every glass with an understanding of the finer points of brewing, serving, tasting, and food pairing.

Enough said.

_________________________________________________

THE BEER FLAVOR WHEEL
by: This website was created by some brewer friends who will remain nameless…

The Beer Flavor Wheel is perfect or both budding beer connoisseurs as well as professionals. It breaks down the entire tasting experience in general categories. Each category gets further brown down until you reach the “scientific” conclusion.

For example, I get “vegetal” characteristics in a beer. Now let us break vegetal down: is is resinous, grassy or nutty? Let’s say I get resinous. Let us break it down further: is it woody or piney.

Naturally, one needs to have a semi-decent palate and educational background that predisposes them to understanding this wheel. However, with the help of google and a significant amount of time tasting with learned professionals — the information on this wheel becomes second nature.

And for those of you who do not understand every term on this wheel, do not feel overwhelmed or inadequate. Developing a palate doesn’t happen overnight … or even over a decade. It is a constant learning process. My palate is admittedly novice. But that does not stop me from trying to advance it, ya feel me?

If you want a good glossary of proper terms to use, this wheel is definitely a top resource.

_________________________________________________

THE BEER JUDGE CERTIFICATION PROGRAM STYLE GUIDELINES

For some time now, I have been following the BJCP format of reviewing beer. Why? Because its system is well-established and internationally recognized. Even more badass? BJCP has a FREE, yes free, iPhone App … with ALL of its style guidelines. Yeah, go download it like now.

Why have style guidelines?

Styles are a convenient shorthand for discussing beer. They allow all those who are tasting and describing a beer to use a common framework and language. Style Guidelines are designed to assist organizers, entrants and judges participating in beer, mead and cider competitions by providing a standardized set of descriptions of beer, mead and cider styles.

The style descriptions are based on currently acknowledged world class examples, historical references to styles no longer brewed, and writings of noted beer researchers and journalists.

One of the purposes of the BJCP is to promote beer literacy, which includes understanding more about the world’s great beer styles. The BJCP has been operating since 1985 and has been publishing guidelines for much of that history.

The BJCP has spent considerable time researching world class beer examples, visiting renowned breweries, talking with noted authors, and searching key reference materials for information on beer styles. It has collected this information into its guidelines as a way to reduce the amount of time, effort and variability in learning this knowledge.

_________________________________________________

Of course, there are more than three major resources on the proper tasting and analyzation of beer. But these three happen to be my particular favorites. Each contributes to beer education from a different aspect of the spectrum — and together, these resources are golden.

Wanna “speak beer”? Check out the resources above and you are well on your way to understanding the (not-too) cryptic language of beer.

For more indepth knowledge, check out:

• Siebel Institute of Technology
• Cicerone Certification Program
• American Brewers Guild
• UC Davis

Cheers!

Disclaimer: In addition to being a craft beer professional, I am a creative writer. I am in no way insulting those who chose to describe beer in more artistic and expressive terminology.

]]> http://drinkwiththewench.com/?feed=rss2&p=3954 1 http://drinkwiththewench.com/?p=3659 http://drinkwiththewench.com/?p=3659#comments Fri, 26 Feb 2010 22:13:11 +0000 Wenchie http://drinkwiththewench.com/?p=3659

Are you a candle loving pyromaniac, but have no tolerance for overwhelming “girlie” scents such Vanilla Bean Cupcake With Pink Sprinkles and Mom’s Fresh Baked Banana Bread???

Well have no fear, there is hope yet!

The brilliant minds behind Koi Kouture recently launched a line of “Man Candles” … errr I mean “Mandles.” Each “Mandle” comes in a recycled Rogue Brewery, Stone Brewing Co. or New Belgium beer bottle.

According to the Etsy site, each bottle has been handcrafted in “a studio full of power tools and beer, while Whitesnake plays in the background.”

How … manly of them. Just add some facial stubble, some Lee’s bluejeans and a shotgun — and you have one killer “Man Candle Making Man Fest.”

These candles are made from 22 oz. beer bottles since, according to Koi Kouture, “men drink big beers and like big candles.” Each candle is between 16 and 18 ounces.

There is a disclaimer though, Koi Kouture does recognize that they cannot alienate the fairer sex and admits that these candles are also for the “awesome girls” that drink beer like “real men.” Awww, shucks. Thanks guys…

In my opinion, the “best” aspect of this concept is that fact that they are using CRAFT BEER bottles for the candles. Which is further proof that “real men” and “awesome girls” don’t just drink beer, they drink craft beer. VIVA LA BEER WARS!

Another fun attribute is that each candle is custom made. The customer not only has the option of choosing the scent, but they also can choose WHICH Rogue Ales beer bottle to put it in! Rock on! Curious about what a “Mandle” scent actually entails?

Here are the scents you can choose from:

HOOTERS WAITRESS SCENTED: Suntan Oil with the faint smell of old deep fryer oil. 

HUNGRY MAN TV DINNER SCENTED: Roast Beef with Creamed Corn (real enough to make you throw up in your mouth a little)

STRIPPER BREATH SCENTED: Watermelon Jolly Rancher with a little stale smoke

HAM & CHEESE SANDWICH ON RYE SCENTED: Ham and cheese on rye…with a tiny bit of mustard. 

MUNCHIES SCENTED: Fritos with an underlying layer of dried pot and a tiny bit of smoke. 

CARNY: Cotton Candy and Corn Dogs…with a little motor oil.

TRAILER PARK: Motor Oil, Fresh Dirt and despair (not really)

CAMPING: Roasted Marshmallow and Firewood

OH NO, IT’S THE COPS!: Coffee and Donuts

ROAD TRIP: Beef Jerky

OLD SPICE (Because the new commercials are amazing!)

PINK STARBURST

SUNTAN OIL

CRAZY OLD FISHERMAN: Fishing Boat and Old Spice

AXE BODY SPRAY: Just like the one your little brother in college wears.

FRESH CUT GRASS: Men love nothing more than mowing the lawn and drinking a beer. 

LEATHER: Just like the leather couch in a bachelor pad

THE RECYCLED BEER BOTTLE CHOICES:

Rogue Brewery American Amber Ale
Rogue Capt. Sig’s Northwestern Ale
Rogue Brewery Shakespeare Stout
Rogue Brewery Kell’s Irish Style Lager
Rogue Brewery Smoke Ale
Rogue Brewery Orange Honey Wheat
Rogue Brewery Juniper Pale Ale
Rogue Brewery Hazelnut Brown
Rogue Brewery Chipolte Ale
Stone Arrogant Bastard Ale
Stone IPA
Stone Ruination IPA
Stone Bitter Chocolate Oatmeal Stout
New Belgium Lip of Faith

Costing about $28 bucks a pop and another 6 bucks in shipping, these candles are not exactly “cheap.” But then, they are completely hand-crafted and the idea is very unique and novel. I would say that they are worth it. Now I know what I am getting all of my craft beer enthusiast friends for future gifts!!!

FOR UPDATES ON KOI KOUTURE’S LATEST MANDLE CREATIONS AND NEW SCENTS, FOLLW THEM ON TWITTER @KOIKOUTURE AND BECOME A FAN ON FACEBOOK!

CHEERS!

DRINK WITH THE WENCH PRESENTS:

The Beer Blogger Interview Series

Curious what goes on in the minds of your favorite beer bloggers? Well, The Beer Wench is and she has embarked upon a mission to interview as many beer bloggers that she can — from all over the world. Are you a beer blogger? Do you want to share your story? Send me an email!

INTRODUCING: THE BEER WENCH

AUTHOR OF: DRINK WITH THE WENCH

Beer Blogger Interview

Full name: Ashley Virginia Routson
Internet nicknames: The Beer Wench & Wenchie. (Do not even ask me how, why and when people started calling me Wenchie. The Beer Wench was meant to be a BADASS name … but somewhere along the road people decided to give me a cutsie little nickname. Crazy kids.)
Twitter handle: @TheBeerWench
Name of blog: Drink With The Wench
Current location: I am a gypsy. (But currently reside in Berkeley, CA)

Background “Snapshot”

1. Where did you grow up?

I was born in Denver, but grew up in the town of Montgomery — just 60 miles north of Manhattan in the very beautiful and historical Hudson Valley, NY. And despite what all the the city folks love to say, I am not from UPSTATE New York. I am from DOWNSTATE.

2. What sports if any did you play growing up, through college and beyond?

I swam competitively from age 6 till I was nearly 21. My swimming career ended with a debilitating bicep injury while in college and I was forced to quit just 6 weeks before the Big Ten Swimming & Diving Championships. (I tore my bicep in the weight room and trained on it until I could not lift my arm. I couldn’t even write. It was bad.)

In middle school and high school, I was on the track team. Although sprinting was my forte, I dabbled in almost every single field event — hurdles, long jump, high jump, shot put, decathalon and I’m proud to say that I was the VERY FIRST female polevaulter in my school.

After quitting swimming, I played intramural ice hockey for a quarter at Ohio State. Then my senior year at Ohio State I joined the novice rowing team. After a month on the novice squad, the varsity coach moved me up. An ankle injury was my ultimate downfall and I got surgery just one month before the season started. Instead of quitting, I ended up holding my place on the varsity squad as a coxswain. And no, I did not just yell “stroke stroke stroke” the entire time.

What else? I grew up on a river and have sweet canoeing skills.

3. How old were you when you had your first beer?

Technically, I had my first taste of beer while in the womb. Apparently, my mother’s doctor told her it was safe for her to have a half of beer a day during pregnancy. And naturally, my mother indulged. My father wasn’t too thrilled about coming home to a half of a warm beer sitting on the counter, though.

To this day, my mom attests that beer sent her in labor. Whether or not this is true, is debatable. Regardless, I was born to be The Beer Wench.

4. If you can recall, what is the story of your first beer? Where did you have it? What style and brand was it?

The first beer I actually remember drinking was Samuel Adams Boston Lager. My mother went to Boston College and my parents eloped in Boston. Despite the fact that my mother was born and raised in NYC, she has a weird loyalty to Boston (picks the Red Sox over both the Yankees and the Mets).

Samuel Adams was my mother’s beer of choice. Spaten was my father’s beer of choice. Those were the only two beers that I saw in my house growing up.

Speaking of Spaten and my Dad, that is a great story as well. My Dad rarely ever drinks anything other than Spaten. I’ve never known anyone so loyal to one brand of beer than my father. Our garage refrigerator is always stocked with it. Like always. My Dad brings his own beers to parties because he does not trust anyone else’s tastes. On my 21st birthday, instead of getting kegs of cheap beer for my college-aged cheap friends, he got Spaten. My Dad even brought Spaten to my cousin’s wedding.

Needless to say, I grew up being exposed to “good” beer and craft beer growing up.

5. Where, if applicable, did you go to college? What did you study? What additional activities, organizations, sports did you partake in during college?

I love this question. Why? Because I love to live in the “glory days.” I am extremely proud of my achievements at The Ohio State University. I graduated with two B.A. degrees, varsity letters in 2 different sports and I was also involved in several school organizations. I guess you can call me an overachiever.

For this question, I will copy and paste from my resume:

The Ohio State University, 2001 – 2005, Columbus, OH
B.A., Psychology/B.A., Criminology, GPA: 3.6, Cum Laude

*Big Ten Scholar Athlete Award 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005
*Ohio State Scholar Athlete Award 2002, 2003, 2004 ,2005
*Ohio State Varsity Swimming & Diving 2001-2004
*Ohio State Varsity Rowing 2004-2005
*Most Improved OSU Female Swimmer 2002
*Buckeye Power Club Award 2003
*Student-Athlete Advisory Board, Marketing Chair
*Romophos Sophmore Honorary (social chair)
*Bucket & Dipper Junior Honorary
*Mortar Board National Senior Honorary
*National Society of Collegiate Scholars
*Golden Key International Honor Society

Craft Beer Epiphany

Every craft beer enthusiast has at least one pinnacle craft beer experience that completely changes ones perspective on beer. I refer to this mind-blowing moment as a “craft beer epiphany.”

1. What was your first craft beer epiphany? Recall as many details about it as you can:

My first craft beer epiphany was with DogFish Head’s Midas Touch. At the time I discovered it, I was managing a restaurant in Columbus, OH. I was also studying for sommelier certification and extremely into wine. This was back in the day when DogFish Head did not have a wide distribution and its specialty beers were extremely limited and hard to find. My restaurant was able to secure two cases of Midas Touch (which back then was a lot to get).

Being the “beverage manager,” I made sure to do my research about the beer before it came in. The concept of the beer completely blew my mind. I learned that it was brewed based on an ancient recipe from a DNA analysis of scrapings from barrels in King Midas’ tomb. The ingredients themselves were so weird for beer: honey, saffron, white muscat grapes and barley.

Now you must remember, I was an uber wine geek at that time. So they idea of a “winey beer” really excited me. The flavor delivered as well. This beer completely changed the way I thought about beer and encouraged e to push my beer palate to the extreme.

2. Have you have additional craft beer epiphanies since the first? Detail as many of them as you wish:

The next beer epiphany was Bell’s Two-Hearted Ale. It was my first taste of an American IPA. It was this beer that turned me into a total hophead. Over the course of two years, while still in Ohio, I probably consumed at least one pint of it a day. No joke. My two favorite beer bars (in my early Drink With The Wench days) always had it on tap. And I used to drink it like water.

My greatest craft beer epiphany BY FAR has to be the first time I ever tasted THE GUEUZE. It was at The Map Room in Chicago in May of 2008. I was in town for the National Restaurant Association Show. Somehow my coworker stumbled upon Brian VanZandbergen of Merchant Du Vin and raved to him about me being a beer blogger.

At this time, I was a total hophead and extreme beer fan. The closest I got to drinking Belgian beers was Unibroue’s La Fin Du Monde and Trois Pistols — which are Belgian styles, not Belgian beers. And I most certainly never touched English of German beers. I wanted my crazy hoppy, big alcohol, over the top flavored beers.

You see, I consider myself to be of the “DogFish Head Generation.” I started drinking extreme beers and completely skipped over the “classic styles.”

Once Brian realized how amateur my palate actually was, he made it his mission to school me on beer. And so my coworker and I piled into his car for a memorable night of beer bar crawling and beer tasting throughout Chicago.

As fate would have it, we ran into Stephen Beaumont — renowned beer writer — at Goose Island brewery. Since then, Stephen has served as an inspiration, tremendous resource and mentor to me. Stephen was also there for my gueuze epiphany.

Long story short (okay I guess it’s a bit late for that), we found ourselves at The Map Room. Brian set us up with a line up of 8 different Merchant Du Vin imported Belgian beers. One of them was Cuvee Renee, Lindeman’s gueuze. From the first sip, I became consumed and obsessed by the gueuze.

And the rest is history.

Beer Blog Background

1. How long have you been writing Drink With The Wench?

I started the website in February of 2007. It was originally titled “The Columbus Beer Wench.”

2. What inspired you to start writing your blog?

I am a writer. I love writing. And I happen to think that I have an affinity for it. I used to write a random stream of thoughts blog but, after a few months of doing that I decided to really focus my writing skills on one subject.

So I chose beer. Why? Well once I started studying beer, I became obsessed. After I left the restaurant for the marketing and advertising world, I still wanted to be involved in beer. I started hosting tastings and events around town. And then I started my website to help promote my events, recap my events as well as record my tasting notes and experiences.

3. Why did you chose the name of your blog?

Around the time I started writing her blog, I was working for a marketing and advertising agency. As a result of my job, I understood the importance of establishing a brand (as well as the proper steps of doing it).And so, I sat down one night and forced myself to come up with an Internet beer identity. I wanted something that was relevant to beer, yet playful and ‘rough around the edges’ — just like me. To me, the name Beer Wench is unpretentious and rowdy. However, don’t let the word Wench fool you. The Wench knows her beer.

As for the name Drink With The Wench, that used to be the name of the events I would host around Columbus. When I realized that The Beer Wench URL was taken, I opted for Drink With The Wench.

4. What are you personal goals for your blog? What do you hope to achieve with it?

The original goal of the blog was to force me to learn more about beer. When I started it, I was an amateur. I learn best when I take notes and, more importantly, when I teach others. The blog was originally a “virtual notebook” of my beer studies as well as a resource for me to organize beer tastings and beer events where I would teach others what I had learned.

I’m proud to say that I’m no longer a novice and, at the moment, I consider myself to be a beer connoisseur. The goal of my blog now is to spread the good word of craft beer — whether it be through beer tasting notes, beer news, beer event coverage, beer industry interviews, beer & food pairings, recipes with beer.

I love writing. I hope that my blog will help me turn my hobby into a career. Ideally, I would love to write about beer for a living (aka get paid for it). Michael Jackson is a huge mentor and inspiration of mine. I have said this many times before — my ultimate goal is to become Michael Jackson meets Ray Daniels with a little bit of Anthony Bourdain thrown in. I would love to get paid to travel the world, touring breweries, attending beer events, judging beers, hosting beer dinners & beer pairings etc… and then write all about my experiences. Eventually, I want to be published as well.

So if anyone knows how to make this dream a reality, please PLEASE help a Wench out!

5. What is one of the coolest things that happened to you as a result of being a beer blogger?

I would say it definitely has to be all the people I’ve met. I have traveled all over the country and have met a tremendous amount of important beer industry folks — brewers, writers, bloggers etc. I love the beer industry. The people in it are truly amazing. It takes a special kind of person to dedicate their life to craft beer!

6. What are you top 3 favorite beer blogs/beer websites?

This is a really hard question. Especially since I started this beer bloggers series. I have been finding all sorts of exciting & interesting beer websites as a result.

For news, my favorite beer resource is: BeerNews.Org

For podcasts, my favorite beer resource is: The Brewing Network

As for blogs, my “favorite” beer resource is: Brookston Beer Bulletin (Jay Brooks has been blogging about beer longer than I’ve been legal to drink. He has a HUGE archive)

I know I said 3, but I must throw in a fourth beer resource. My favorite (alive) beer writer is Stephen Beaumont from The World of Beer. He is “new” to blogging, but has been writing about beer professionally for decades. And he is damn good at it!

Beer Talk

1. What are your top 3 favorite beer styles?

1. Gueuze — I grew up in a “dairy country” New York. The smell of barnyard funk is relatively nostalgic for me. My neighbor across the street had horses as well. I’m oddly attracted to “manure” and grassy hay smells. My favorite wine regions — Rhone, Burgundy and Piedment — are known for producing “Bretty” wines. What can I say? I heart Brett.
2. American IPA — Specifically, the American IPAs hopped with Pacific Northwest varietals. I’m a huge fan of super high alpha acid hops. Love pine, resin and grapefruit flavors and aromas.
3. Saison — Back to the “barnyard” funk obsession. I love this style because of the Belgian yeast fruity esters aroma as well.

2. What are your top 3 favorite breweries?

This is a really tough question. American or European?

American (in no particular order) =

• Russian River Brewing Company
• DogFish Head Brewery
• 21st Amendment

European (in no particular order) =

• Drie Fontien
• Westmalle
• Orval

3. If you could work with or for any one brewery, which one would it be and why?

Where would my skills and talents best be used and appreciated? Probably with DogFish Head. My writing in fairly witty and they “get” social media. I think it would be really fun to work in the Marketing “department” of DogFish Head. I love their creativity and passion. And I would love to work along side Mariah Calagione!

However, I have fallen in love with living on the West Coast. (Although, I would leave it for a job in the industry — hint hint). So if I was to stay on the West Coast, I would probably enjoy working for Stone Brewing Co. Same idea as with DFH. They are creative and “get” social media. And I love Dr. Bill and Greg Koch.

Can I do one more? New Belgium in Fort Collins would be an awesome place to work. I really admire their dedication to sustainability. I ride my bike every chance I get and would love to work somewhere that not only appreciates that, but encourages it. And I would love to help them take their social media presence to the next level.

4. Are you a homebrewer? If yes, what is the most unique and interesting beer recipes you’ve brewed as a homebrewer?

Not yet. Being a gypsy has made it hard to aquire the proper equiptment and I have no yet had the proper room for it or storage space. Soon, though. Soon.

5. Do you have any beer certifications (BJCP, Cicerone, Siebel, American Brewers Guild)?? If so, what are they?

Cicerone Certified Beer Server!!!

I’m in the process of pursuing Cicerone Certification. Follow my adventures at In Pursuit of Cicerone Certification.

6. What is your favorite beer and food pairing?

My favorite pairing, by far, is beer mussels & gueuze (or saison).

The Personal Side

1. What is your current day job?

Aye, therein lies the rub. I have no day job. No income source. Sigh.

2. If you could change your career at this very moment, without any restrictions on what you could do, what would you want to do and why?

As I said earlier, my ideal job would be Michael Jackson meets Anthony Bourdain. I would love to travel the world writing about beer (possibly doing videos as well).

I would also love to do social media marketing, copy writing and traditional marketing for a craft brewery. I am super bummed that I missed the opportunity to do so with Stone, but hopefully another craft brewery will create a similar position (hint hint).

3. Are you married? Children?

Oh hell no. And hell no. I want to trade my uterus for an extra liver.

4. Outside of beer and writing, what are some of your other hobbies?

I am still a wine connoisseur, although it has been quite some time since I’ve truly wine geeked out. I’m an avid cook and and even more avid eater. I love developing recipes with beer. I like taking beer adventures on my bike (not a good combination, I know. Hence all my scars). I also love hockey skating, but rarely get the chance.

During college football season, I spend a good deal of time watching football. I am obsessed with Ohio State Football — to a fault. I can throw a better spiral than most boys I know (but I just can’t throw the ball as far).

I am also getting into both scotch and cigars.

Off The Beaten Path

1. If you were a style of beer, what style would be an why?

If I were a beer style, I would be Orval — the only beer that is its own style. My creation story is stuff of childhood fantasies (the Countess, the wedding band, the trout). I am the only Trappist beer to be dry-hopped, which makes me earthy & spicy. The Belgian candy sugar gives me an underlying sweetness.

But the real kicker, is the Brett. Since I was inoculated with Brett at bottling, I am constantly changing in the bottle. Today I taste like an English IPA, but tomorrow I might be sour and reek of horse blanket. The wild yeast makes me funky and unpredictable, Yet, since I was purposefully inoculated by the Monks, it means that there is method in my madness.

2. You were caught smuggling beer illegally, which has now been made punishable by death. Right before you are sent to the executioner, you are offered one last beer. What beer would you chose and why?

Definitely a gueuze. Although Drie Fontenien is my favorite, I might go for Lindeman’s Cuvee Renee because it was my first gueuze and it holds a special place in my heart. I would die after a moment of nostalgia and great memories.

3. If I contracted you to brew a beer (or design a beer recipe) called “The Beer Wench” — what style would you chose and what, if any, extra ingredients would you add?

Ah yes, I finally get to answer this question. I’ve been really impressed by a few people’s answers on this question. The best answer by far was by Alex P. Davis. I was going to steal his idea, but instead I’m going to make my own recipe.

The base beer would be a Saison. I would brew the beer in Colorado because that is where I was born and I want to use Rocky Mountain water. Primary fermentation would be with traditional Saison yeast. The beer would then be put into Chateauneuf-Du-Pape wine barrels (my all time favorite wine region) with Brettonomyces and Hudson Valley unpasteurized apple cider (for extra fermentable sugars … not sure if it would work because I don’t know the technical details of Brett and re-fermentation in barrels). The final product would be dry hopped with rose petals (my birth flower).

Yeah, that sounds pretty cool to me.

4. If you could be a superhero, what would you want your superpowers to be?

Flight of teleportation. That way I can travel the world and do all the things I dream about doing.

5. What is one of the craziest things you have ever done and lived to tell the story?

Jumped off an 80 foot cliff. I was one of those kids growing up (okay maybe I’m still that way) that tried to out-do everyone. “Anything you can do, I can do better.” Cliff jumping was a hobby of mine in my later high school days. Naturally, it was illegal and very dangerous.

My friends and I went to a new spot that we heard about. We all started on the small cliff — about 30 feet. Then me and a few others decided to bump up our game and try the 50 foot. No biggy.

I decided it would be awesome to swim across the river, climb up the steep hill and attempt to jump off the 80 foot cliff. Why? Because I had to show off. I though I was such a badass.

I slipped when I jumped and ended up hitting the water at an angle. You have to understand, water becomes as hard as concrete from that height. When I hit the water, my contacts blew off of my eyes, my wind was completely knocked out and I was completely paralyzed. I thought I was going to drown. And as a competitive swimmer, drowning is your greatest nightmare.

Some boys across the river (on the small cliff side) jumped in the water and pulled me out. I could not walk for almost a week. And the whole left side of my body was a giant black and blue bruise. My ribs were bruised. I was a mess.

6. What are your thoughts on bacon?

I am utterly obsessed with it.

Thanks to everyone for reading “my story”! Sorry my interview was so long winded. But what can I say, I am a writer after all. And the one subject I can write a lot about is myself

CHEERS!

Today I was extremely excited, humbled and honored to learn that one of my favorite craft brewers in the country, Todd Parker, released a new beer inspired by … well, The Beer Wench (aka me!).

The beer was inspired by a Featured Beer Tweeter interview that Todd did with me back in December. One of my questions in the interview was:

If I contracted you to brew a beer (or design a beer recipe) called “The Beer Wench” — what style would you chose and what, if any, extra ingredients would you add?

Todd responded:

It would be a Belgian IPA with Brett to dry it out, it would be spicy, yet fruity, with tons of flavor. It would ring in at 7.5%, and everyone would wonder what else is in there (because I will have accented the beer with other spices like black, white and red pepper, cardamom, and coriander).

The actual beer brewed was slightly different from the original idea.

The Beer Wench

(brewed by: Todd Parker of Copper Canyon Brewing Co.)

This beer came about from an interview I did with a Beer Blogger who writes under the name The Beer Wench (and tweets under it too). Like her, this beer is blonde, spicy, and a little bitter (actually this beer is a lot bitter). This is a newer style of beer called a Belgian IPA. This style came about when a Belgian brewer decided to try to replicate American IPA’s. These beers are very one dimensional- Hoppy! There are hints from the Belgian yeast as a spicy component. This beer although lighter bodied, rings in at 8% abv.

The interview can be found HERE.

Food Pairings: this beer goes well with spicy dishes.

Similar Beers: La Chouffe’s Houblon, Flying Dog’s Raging Bitch

I really enjoy the fact that a beer similar to The Beer Wench is Raging Bitch. What does that say about me? Well, I’ll let you be the judge of that!

Big thanks to Todd for making my day … and quite possibly my year!

CHEERS!