The Wench’s 2010 GABF Spoof Awards
This year, 3,523 beers were judged in 79 different categories at the Great American Beer Festival. Breweries and brewers from all around the country received due recognition for their hard work and dedication to the art of beer.
Whereas these great accomplishments should not go ignored, I will let my fellow bloggers and the Brewers Association inform the rest of the world about the great beer feats at the festival.
You see, while the most studious among us took notes the entire time, I was too busy what we will call… errrr… “living in the moment.” Instead of reviewing beers and recapping the GABF higlights, I have decided express my own (extremely subjective) experience at GABF in the form of “spoof awards.” Because, after all, no awards ceremony is complete without a “spoof awards” presentation. Am I right?
Disclaimer: Some of these awards are more serious than others. And all of them are entirely subjective and not meant to be offensive or taken too seriously…
So without further ado, allow me to present:
The Wench’s 2010 GABF Spoof Awards
_________________________________________________
Best Costume
Niko, 21st Amendment — Watermelon Suit
_________________________________________________
Most Likely to Get His Mustache + Eyebrows Dyed at a Mansion Party
Josh Deth, Revolution Brewing Company
_________________________________________________
Most Likely to be Found Smoking a Cigar
Dr. Bill Sysak
_________________________________________________
Studliest Man in a Cowboy Hat
Three-way tie between:
Fred Bueltmann, New Holland Brewing Company
Brad Kraus
Ryan Fulmer, Uncle Billy’s Brew & Que
_________________________________________________
Coolest Brewery Booth at GABF
Sierra Nevada
Honorable Mention: Oskar Blues
_________________________________________________
Most Iconic Facial Expression in Pictures
Greg Koch, Stone Brewing Co. — #gregface
Honorable Mention: Ashley Routson, The Beer Wench — #wenchface
_________________________________________________
Brewer Most Likely to Snag Bottles and Continue Pouring Outside the Convention Center
Jason Yester, Trinity Brewing
_________________________________________________
Most Likely to Spike Beer with Spirits
Sebbie Buhler, Rogue
_________________________________________________
Brewer Most Likely to Take off His Pants
Sam Calagione, Dogfish Head
(At least that is what the rumor was…)
_________________________________________________
Best Socks
Random Dude with Bacon + Beer Socks
_________________________________________________
Most Dapper Dressed Brewer
(And the only Brewer who can pull off Red Pants and a Straw Fedora)
Garrett Oliver
_________________________________________________
Most Attractive Brewing Company
The Bruery
Honorable Mention: Port Brewing Company
(Photo stolen from: Drink Eat Travel)
_________________________________________________
Hottest Chick Brewer
Veronica Vega, Deschutes
_________________________________________________
Hottest Dude Brewer
Noah Regnery, PIzza Port San Clemente
Honorable Mention: Tyler King, The Bruery
_________________________________________________
Most Disturbing “Quote” Overheard
_________________________________________________
Cutest Chick (Denver) Bartender
Leah, Cheeky Monk
_________________________________________________
Cutest Dude (Denver) Bartender
Colin, Great Divide Taproom
_________________________________________________
Rowdiest Brewery (Inside and Outside of GABF)
Iron Hill
Honorable Mention: Port Brewing
_________________________________________________
Brewery Most Likely to Randomly Pass Out in Another Brewery’s Hotel Room
(Unintentionally, of course…)
Dogfish Head
_________________________________________________
Most Likely to Pass Out on the Hotel Stairs
Brian Kropf, Mutineer Magazine
_________________________________________________
Brewery Most Likely to be Caught Drinking Coors Light at 4am on Saturday After Winning a Gazillion Awards at GABF
Port Brewing Company
(Photo stolen from: Drink Eat Travel)
_________________________________________________
Most Likely to Be Found At The Bruery’s Table
Cambria, Drink Eat Travel
_________________________________________________
Most Likely to be Caught Singing Karaoke
E.C. Crowe, The “A2″ Beer Wench (Star Bar)
_________________________________________________
Brewer with the Most Badass Style
Jamie Floyd, Ninkasi Brewing
_________________________________________________
Best Dreadlocks
Jason Yester, Trinity Brewing
_________________________________________________
Most Talented Beer Chef
Sean Paxton
_________________________________________________
Best Brewer’s Beard
Matt Brynildson, Firestone Walker
_________________________________________________
The Man Whose Presence Was Most Missed
David “Moose” Buhler, Elysian
_________________________________________________
Best Birthday Party
Taylor Shaw (The Art of Beer), Falling Rock Taphouse
(Picture stolen from: John M. P. Knox)
_________________________________________________
Best “Unofficial” GABF Tasting
Dr. Bill’s Rare Beer Party
_________________________________________________
The Only Party Where Boobs Outnumbered Beards
Beer For Boobs Brunch, Freshcraft
_________________________________________________
Best Harry Caray Impression
Kell Bensen, Colorado Beer Week
Honorable Mention: Alex P. Davis
_________________________________________________
Most Likely to Get Leied on His Birthday
Justin, Brewing Network
(Disclaimer: Leied not Laid)
_________________________________________________
Most Likely to Get Her Boobs Grabbed in Public
Melissa Cole
_________________________________________________
Most Likely to be Seen in The Cruise Room
Steve Parkes, American Brewers Guild
_________________________________________________
Most Photographed Man (In Person & Cardboard Form)
Charlie Papazian
_________________________________________________
Number One Way to Cause a Hangover
Last Call at Whiskey Bar
_________________________________________________
Number One Way to Cure a Hangover
Bacon Bloody Marys at Stuebens
_________________________________________________
Best Beer Bar in Denver (and quite possibly The World)
Falling Rock Taphouse
_________________________________________________
Best NEW Denver Craft Beer Destination
Tie between:
FreshCraft
Star Bar
_________________________________________________
Best Worst Idea at the End of the Night
Whiskey Bar
_________________________________________________
Swankiest Cocktail
(Accompanied by a swanky head bob and a shimmy)
Guava Sexy, The Cruise Room
_________________________________________________
Best Street Food in Denver
Biker Jim’s Gourmet Dogs
_________________________________________________
Best Get-Away (Hideaway) Inside the Convention Center
Farm To Table Food Pavilion
_________________________________________________
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST…
_________________________________________________
THE Most Epic MOMENT During GABF
(Left to Right: Vinnie, Dave, Jennifer, Natalie, Brett, Jay)
The Big Daddy + Jennifer Smith “Impromptu Wedding”
Who: Dave Keene + Jennifer Smith of Toronado
Best Man = Vinnie Chilurzo
Best Woman = Natalie Chilurzo
“Father” of the Bride = Jay Brooks
The Reverend = Brett Joyce
Where: Russian River Booth, GABF Convention Floor
When: Saturday Night
_________________________________________________
Naturally, the list could go on forever. Have a spoof award that you would like to give out? Leave a comment below!
CHEERS!
BasicallyRed September 24th, 2010 at 5:25 am
OMG Wench, this is HILARIOUS! Love it
Stephen Beaumont September 24th, 2010 at 5:59 am
Geez, I didn’t even get an honourable mention in the Man Most Missed category. Damn you, Buhler!
Amie September 24th, 2010 at 7:39 am
EPIC!!! Just EPIC! Great post, lady!
PJ Hoberman » GABF: A Love Story. Act 2. September 24th, 2010 at 9:38 am
[...] Star Bar happened along the way. It was karaoke! You know in movies when the two lead characters get in some sort of screaming match and then start making out? Star Bar is like that, with dive bars and craft beer being the two lead characters. And there was karaoke! Love shack, baby. Love shack. Courtesy of The Wench. [...]
Tony Corder September 24th, 2010 at 10:37 am
The cans of Coors were only consumed after the cans of ellie’s, rascal, and ipa were no longer to be found!! Couldn’t help it!
And I agree…..noah regnery is dreamy! Lol
BikeBusBeer September 24th, 2010 at 10:54 am
I’m delighted to see that the little idea we cooked up in a Rackhouse + Beer-induced fog actually came to fruition. Excellent work, as usual.
Carlo September 24th, 2010 at 12:52 pm
You always manage to bring it home, Wenchie. These pics are SICK!!
Beer Blotter September 24th, 2010 at 1:55 pm
Seriously amazing article. This is what we want to know – never will miss again.
beerguy101 September 24th, 2010 at 5:08 pm
Most disappointing moment at GABF. Not running into the Beer Wench.!!
GirlBeerGeek September 24th, 2010 at 7:54 pm
FYI- That random guy in the beer and bacon socks is Brad Ruppert with Beer Magazine.
Andrew Henderson September 24th, 2010 at 9:44 pm
I laughed out loud at least four times. Highlights for me were “Most Iconic Facial Expression in Pictures” and “Best Brewer’s Beard.” Thanks for putting that together.
Eugene "Splobucket" Kolankowsky September 24th, 2010 at 9:49 pm
Ha awesome awards. GABF looks like a blast.
Ray Daniels September 25th, 2010 at 9:32 am
Nice list. Fun read. Nobody reports the world’s biggest beer party like the Wench.
R
Beerwencha2 September 26th, 2010 at 4:05 pm
Hell yes Star Bar, Karaoke And passing out in other brewer’s hotel rooms!
an epic virgin outing for this midwest Wench and one that will be repeated..
thanks West Coast Wench—Tin Roof! Rusted!
muah
Liz
Chad September 27th, 2010 at 11:08 am
Good stuff, fun read! GABF was a blast, good reporting on the important stuff!